Archive for the ‘struggles’ Category

Ok, it is time to get honest.  I have hurt myself in my crazy 50k training and it has inspired me to write a post on listening to my body.  I would have posted sooner, but in feeling self pity from being injured, I have “taken comfort” in foods that are not so great for me the past few nights.  It is amazing how much shame I can put myself through before I just get honest and realize that it is no big deal.  I always bounce back because my true nature is to be healthy and do what really makes me feel good.

So as part of my new and improved philosophy on training, I have trying to make it a priority to really listen to my body to give it what it needs and prevent injury.  I do not always do this perfectly, which explains my current state.

Honesty part two:  The other day I woke up to run the day after running a 16 miler (ultra marathoners suggest doing long runs back to back like this).  I had a little voice telling me, “Do not go, Natasha.  It is ok to rest.  You have never run 16 miles before.”  Well, I went anyway and, after only a mile, had to walk home because my knee hurt too bad to run.

Now I am recommitting to listening.  And, I have been resting and I will not run until my knee does not hurt… even if it takes a couple of weeks!!  The thing that I and so many of us forget is that we will not be starting from scratch if we need to rest for a while.  Our bodies actually remember the athletic, strong beings that we are and they’re back in the game in no time.

My encouragement for you is to really listen to the signs your body gives you.  Even turn off your ipod sometimes. Think about NOT distracting yourself from the workout, but rather feeling it and listening to what tweaks you may need and even when to stop (GASP! What???).  Yeah, I said it.  Sometimes we need to stop, even if that is not what our training calendar says! 🙂

Just so you can see that life does not end during an injury, I have included what Coach Rey said to Sandra and I when we came in to workout today (she just had knee surgery).  He said:

10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1

Rope climbs (from laying down to standing)

Handstand Push-ups

Ring Push-Up Side to Sides (hold a ring push-up and extend each arm one at a time, WTF!)

Thank you sir, may I have another!

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I have been assessing, reflecting, soul searching, and generally dragging my feet about writing this post. Well, here it is, people………. I ate ice cream!  That’s right!  Fell off the old strict-paleo-for-30-days wagon. Truth is, this human doesn’t respond well to strict.  The rebellious teen inside me says, “Oh yeah?!  Well, f*** you!  If you won’t allow me a little, I will just eat the whole pint, box, cake (insert drug of choice)!”  Doing something for 30 days feels too much like a diet.  Then, the critical parent inside me says, “Wow, you really can’t do this for 30 days?”  No.  And, as of right now, I would rather try and get back to a way of eating clean that I can sustain for more than 30 days.

Frankly, I was doing great before when I was doing about 90% Paleo.  I was leaning out, I had good and even energy all day, my performance was improving, my skin cleared up.  Most of all, it felt like a lifestyle instead of a diet, because I still allowed myself those non-paleo foods that I love in moderation. And, as human as that was, it worked for me.Then a really sad incident in my life (coupled with the holidays) threw me off track a bit.  But, now I am ready to get back on… I just won’t be doing the drill sergeant brand of approach that I originally planned.  If the day comes that I can be all zen and let go of my attachments with certain foods- yippee.  If I plateau, I will reassess.  For now, I am done shaming myself!! Done!!

So, here it is, folks:  I eat clean 90% of the time, I am super active, I try to arrange my life so that I get plenty of sleep and little stress.  And I will continue (for life maybe) on my quest for a realistic self-image and a shameless love for me- exactly how I am! Human and all!  I will also keep writing honestly and telling you guys of my victories, my blunders, and my struggles getting there.  And that, my friends, is “my own brand of warrior!!”

This post is dedicated to my dear friend Ann W.


I had a serious Paleo melt down last night. These were the texts I sent my friend:

“Why am I being so strict, who am I proving anything to?” “It worked for me when I wasn’t strict.” “I can’t live like this!!!”

Dramatic?  Yes!  So is my relationship with food.  I NEEDED tortilla chips. 🙂  My girl, Sandra knew exactly what to say.  Simply, “Then don’t, silly!”  And then it was like the air getting let out of an over-filled balloon.  I exhaled.  Oh yeah, I AM allowed.  I AM NOT proving anything to anyone.  And most of all, not being strict does not make me a failure….

So, with these things in mind, I went into Whole Foods to buy some munchies for the night.  After a long day at the salon, I seem to just want to pick at a bunch of things, not cook or make an actual dinner plate.  So, I gave myself permission.  Permission… Last night, that mighty word seemed to take all of the power, yes power, out of the tortilla chips.  I didn’t even go down that aisle, and it wasn’t forced, because I had permission.  If I wanted them, I could get them.  And I didn’t.  So very interesting, this brain of mine!

My dinner consisted of plantain chips, tuna salad, guacamole, dried  mango, and almond butter.  Not a perfect omega-3 to omega-6 ratio ;), but pretty sweet choices considering earlier melt down status!!

That is all. Happy weekend!  Get those booties outside!!

Something has been eating (no pun intended) at me lately. It is all the negative self-talk people, myself included, use.  We describe our eating- “I was good”, “I was bad”, “I cheated”, “I rewarded myself”.  We comment on our performance- “I felt weak”, “That sucked”, or, more often used, the negative head shake at oneself during a workout.  Not to mention the stuff we say about our bodies.  I think that we underestimate the power of the words we use, the negative effect they really have on our self-esteem.  If I want to change my thinking, I must change the way I talk to and about myself.  So, I am going to do a little experiment, care to join??

Below are some ways I am going to kick the negative talk to the curb!!

On food:

1) What I have eaten does NOT make me “good” or “bad”.

2) “Cheating” is something much, MUCH worse than eating some chips or a dessert.

3) And the opposite of reward is, of course, punishment, so where do you think that leads?

And when I am about to say my work out sucked, I’ll ask myself these questions:

1) Remember when the only lifting you did was a grocery bag or two?

2) Remember when running AT ALL was hard?

3) Remember when, in your mind, even ONE pull-up was something only army dudes could do?

I will let you come up with your own affirmations to say in the mirror to replace your self-pooping.  This blog is no place for mush. 😉 But, I will propose this.  How about if we try , just as an experiment, to not fixate on every flaw, but instead see and appreciate our bodies for the strong and ingenious vessels that they are.  AND, YOU, STOP F***ING TALKING TO MY FRIEND LIKE THAT!!!

So, yesterday (day 1 of strict Paleo), at the New Years Day party, I managed to do quite well, avoiding many non-paleo temptations: the sweet smelling corn pone, the mound of chocolate chip toffee cookies, (made by my friend the pastry chef, mind you), and, well, I could go on but you get it.  I had resolve, though, and I powered through!

Then.. I left. And I was tired and it was night and I was going home… eeeek!  I felt the cravings for sugar/any comfort food coming on. (more…)